Romancing Oneself

If the upswing in the amount of school shootings recently has taught me anything it’s this: everybody’s got shit. We all have something tugging at us, be it passively or aggressively. Aggressive stressors would be things like  instinctual food/shelter/familial needs that affect us and sometimes define us in the eyes of others. But passive needs are there, too, existing and eventually demanding an audience. Something like routine maintenance for the soul, if there were such a thing. Everybody’s got shit.

And I’m not saying my shit is any more or less important than anyone else’s, or that my means of tackling my shit is any better than any other. In the words of the immortal Chris Tucker, “I do what I can do when I can do it.”

My method of managing stress is romancing my…self. I’m not talking about passing out in the tub masturbating or anything. Although, hey, if you’re into that. do your thang. When I say romancing oneself I mean taking the time to slow down, breathe and assess. To sit, ponder and postulate. This is important because absolutely any time shit ain’t right in my life, it’s due to a lack in having done so. Sometimes this romance involves having someone else do our manicure and pedicure for a change. Other times it’s a long soak with one of these Lush Karma bubble bars. Or  a massage. Those are fun when you can splurge, but what’s most important is the time spent in thought.

All that said, I went to Carkeek Park today all on me onsies. My thoughts went like this:

Oh, yes, this is pretty. Oh, gorgeous. I love this time of year. Okay, I’ve got to descend these stairs and cross the beach to that really cool driftwood tree root because that’s the spot.


By the way, Pacific Northwest, this is not sand. This is a mini field of foot death. Also, ouch. I am not wearing the most appropriate shoes.


Oh, yes. The water. The water at the shore laps and plays just as it always has in accordance with gravity and astronomy and other assorted sciences you may or may not fully understand. Because there’s always more to learn.

Those waters remind me that in some ways I’m struggling against the current in ways that should change. Or, I guess, could change to facilitate a better life. Other things are up in the air just now. I’m on the hunt for a new roommate for the main floor of our house. I’m anxiously patiently awaiting a letter from the University of Washington as to whether or not I’m worthy of their scholarly teachings. I’m looking for a new stream of income. Every job has its pros and cons, and I’ve come to a point where it’s not evening out anymore. It’s time to move on. I’m on the cusp of so much change and it is so comforting that water is the same. I’d like my new (income) stream to involve more creativity and less packaging tape. I’d like a lot of things. The buddha says that desire is the cause of all great strife. I’m not necessarily a buddhist, but I pick up what buddha’s putting down.


I meditate on the idea of becoming a tree when I grow up.


Author: Brianna Wray

I'm an artist in Seattle just living the dream.


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