Holiday:, Honeybee, Life:

3 Years to the Day

On this our third wedding anniversary I have so much gratitude.

I’m thankful for Honeybee’s amazing family who show us so much love and support. Grandma Jo is a pillar of love, strength and mandolin (or Mando as she calls it). Grandpa Rod’s hugs are so tight they’re even transferable through the US Mail. Papa Shawn makes any and every situation better with a bass line or a crock pot or a fishing pole. Papa’s here, fun’s on. That’s just how they roll.

But more than anything I’m consistently baffled by a partner who is kind, thoughtful and very attentive to details. Sometimes life calls for logistics, sometimes whimsy. Either way, we’ve got it covered. Even if our toothy vagina and tuxedo penis cake toppers melt away, I know we’re in it to win it.

My Aunt Gloria said recently that I’m the only happily married person she knows. She just said it in conversation and kept going, but those words sat with me, heavily, for a while. Even still. I wish happiness and joy for everyone, single or married. And most people just say something along the lines of

marriage takes work.

And it does, but it kind of also doesn’t. My biggest challenge is remembering that there’s no malice in his heart, so tones or attitudes or whathaveyou I may feel are always checked against that fact. Which almost instantly dissolves tension, and begs the question what is at the root of this? And, boom, problem solved.

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But then I also just genuinely feel lucky because Matt’s so easy to get along with. For real. I’ll tell you the most annoying thing he does to prove it, mkay. So Matt likes his coffee really hot. Like, scorched earth. He’ll take perfectly hot coffee and microwave it and then inhale / slurp it in such a way that he gets coffee and oxygen to cool it in his mouth all at once. That’s it. That’s all I got. The most irritating thing. He doesn’t leave shit everywhere (I do), he doesn’t yell, isn’t pretentious, or lazy or boring. His cuddle skills are unflinchingly on point. He’s just perfect [for me].

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This year we moved into our own place for the first time. It’s a wee, tiny studio apartment that requires careful maneuvering for someone as tall and lean and Matt and small apartment living requires a certain finesse in general, but I still can’t come up with anything more annoying than the coffee!

That said, I know I have my moments when I’m particularly particular or fiendishly unpleasable or crabby wookie, yet this fellow insists that I’m easy to live with.

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Looking out into the world where there is a lot of tragedy and pain especially recently, I know that we can overcome it because real love conquers all. Happy anniversary, Honeybee.

Love & Light,

Brianna Wray

 

Life:, Writing

Recovery

Hi there. Sunshine here. I’m climbing up from the depths of post-op recovery because, well, for a few reasons. One, because I missed you. Two, forcing oneself to sit still, with minimal laughter–which hurts, lifting–which hurts and transitioning from sitting to standing–which, you guessed it, hurts is HARD.

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And for another reason, this guy here–this flower-bringin, dinner cooking, heavy-stuff-liftin’, hard-workin, dead-sexy dude deserves the biggest possible thank you from me.

If I am sunshine, he is sky.

Beside childrearing, partnership is the most natural hardcore undertaking we do as humanfolk. It’s universal, running the gambit from arranged marriages to polygamy; high society or lower class doesn’t matter: people get together. When we walk down the aisle, jump the broom, whathaveyou, there’s no way of knowing what waits at the end of your timeline. Anything can happen.

Through sickness and in health…

The emphasis on your wedding day isn’t on the sickness. And even when I said sickness I envisioned influenza, pneumonia…anything besides the very stark reality that I couldn’t stand up alone. That I had to pee and–if it was anything like the last one was, excruciating pain was in my future. That my poor husband–after working a full day, cooking all the meals and cleaning all our messes–would need to physically pull my legs around, set my feet down, take me up by the arms like a baby, follow every painful step as I cried wept, undress and hug me-bearing my weight-into a seated position, leave whilst business was handled and then return to lift and accompany me back to bed, lifting my feet, fluffing the pillows, bringing me ice, timing the pain meds, and keeping me hydrated.

Well I just don’t know. Even as I lay here, truly pathetic I was am in absolute awe at his love. I’m still searching for a gesture large enough to adequately represent my gratitude, but then he reminded me of something. He had surgery months before me and I had already done the exact same thing for him.

Huh.

I mean, it definitely was a memorable time, but nothing in my mind’s eye is even close to the burden I feel like I’ve been. What I remember most is that it was several days in a row that we got to be together. Harry Potter marathon. Infinite cuddles. None of the lifting, cleaning, running up and down stairs I’m so aware of now that he’s doing it for me.

We don’t have a surplus of money, student loans and bills mount, plus rent in Seattle is stupid, and our savings is exactly one hill of beans currently, but having someone there when you are at the lowest of the low, taking impeccable care of you, is to feel truly rich. thankyouthankyouthankyou 

Despite some complications such as tearing incisions, rashes and sharp pain, I’m feeling much better. Back to work, but moving much slower than usual. No heavy lifting or running for three months. The whole stupid gorgeous Washington summer, basically. Mope, mope.

But I’m in good hands.

Brianna Wray Signature

Life:

Two Years Ago Today

Matt Wray & I were married at Camp Kiwanis near Mill Creek.

I remember thinking the rest of our lives would pretty much suck after a day so perfect. I also remember freaking out because I couldn’t find the lights I’d brought especially for the occasion. Ultimately I decided no one cared besides me and that if missing lights was the worst thing to happen, so be it.

Since then it’s been kind of a blur. Next thing we knew it was the end of Year One and we were no longer “newlyweds” although I still felt like one. And now, two years deep, I STILL feel new. He’s still the silly sweet thoughtful hand-and-awe-some Honeybee who hugged me at the market all those years before. I’m still the luckiest little lady this side of the Columbia River.

And if you asked him, he’d still say I’m amazing. Although, I can assure you, caffeine does most of it.

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To commemorate those moments of awe, in which we baffle one another with all the feels I’ve recently been sharing sporadic posts on Facebook called Marriage is:. I thought I’d share a few of those here for reference and giggles. Some are sweet, some are funny but, lord help me, all are true.

5/10/2015

Marriage is: “Matt, you have to finish farting before you can say excuse me!”

5/17/2015

Marriage is: Matt: “You’re making French toast, right?” Me:”Yes, my love.” “Are you sure there’s syrup?” “Think so…I will go and double-check.” “But how can you tell if syrup is good?” “Read the label. I will go and read the label.” He tickles me.

5/18/2015

Marriage is: coming home after a shitastic day to find all the lights off, incense burning. He listens until I have nothing to say and holds me until I let go. Asks, “do you want me to put in some Harry Potter or Amelie?” Does. Then runs upstairs to make me a snack. ‪#‎baffledbyhislove‬

6/8/2015

Marriage is: coming home hot and sweaty to find the mister, who fans me as I tell him about my day. ‪#‎handconditionedair‬

6/14/2015

Marriage is: a big bee buzzing in our bedroom and I’m freaking out ’cause there are no easy exits, “Matt, there’s a bee.” “What do you want me to do about it?” “Idk, you’re my honeybee, talk to it? Ask it to leave?” He leaves the room, I grab a large vase and a poster: my patent-pending bee rescue apparatus. It is not affective. He comes in with bug spay and a napkin. ‪#‎problemsolved‬

Photo by Jared Wade

If I could I’d travel back in time to my former self on June 15th, 2013 and say, “sure it’s the best day of your life…SO FAR, but you just wait. One day, you’ll finish lunch and he’ll hand you a vitamin and…SPLOOSH.”

Thank you for all the support and lovely well wishes. And thank you, Honeybee for being your fantastic self. You are so incredibly easy to love.

See our wedding photos on the old blog, Sunshine Press.

xo,

Sunshine

Life:

Links of Gratitude

Golden

As far as I can tell I went to bed perfectly well and woke up somewhere around 3am sick. Guess I’m not surprised since Matt got sick earlier in the week and I can’t help but dote until he feels better (almost), but it did/does feel a little all of a sudden. As a generally sound sleeper, with a greater propensity toward oversleeping than under, it was baffling to be wrestled awake for the sake of useless coughing. And more and more coughing until Matt’s eyes darted open, too, and I could tell he felt bad for giving me the sickness. Despite still being under the weather himself, he jumped up to get me medicine and water.

Now I’m a tough cookie when the situation calls for it. It’s a defensive mechanism, I suppose. When an emergency happens near me my brain quick-switches into must be productive mode. I determine the best plan of action and take no breaks for questions or emotions until the job is done. It’s who I am. The first example of this that comes to mind is that warm summer day when a bunch of my friends had populated our backyard (back at the Burrow) and my friend, Lilly, had a seizure. Everyone snapped into either definite function or utter horror. Hands outstretched and caught her before she hit the ground while others’ jaws just dropped and there they stood. My cell phone was in hand dialing 911, while I gave instructions to clean up, grab towels, get water, find her medicine, etc. It wasn’t until the firemen arrived that I could actually begin to process how close I’d been to losing a friend. That’s when all my problem-solving falls aside and I can feel again.

See but there was no emergency to react to this morning. There was just an overwhelming hopelessness. This cold was going to have its way with me and there was nothing I could do except cough quietly and try not to wake Matt or the cat who’d nestled herself on my belly. Mm not gonna happen. We were all awake just looking at each other. The kitty purring and making biscuits, Matt stroking my hair. Something in that moment reminded me how thankful I am for a great many things in life.

Things I’m grateful for:

Hope you’re feeling okay. Don’t let me breathe on you. You’ll get the cooties for sure.

 

Xo,

Sunshine